Unveiling Signs of Misogyny in Relationships: A Trauma Coach’s Insight

Relationships can be an intricate dance, and the subtle nuances often play a significant role in shaping our emotional landscapes. As a trauma coach dedicated to fostering healing and resilience, I have encountered the profound impact of misogyny on individuals within relationships. We will delve into the critical task of identifying early warning signs that may indicate a partner holds misogynistic views, emphasizing the importance of maintaining emotional well-being in the pursuit of healthy connections.

1. Controlling Behavior:

Misogynistic partners may exhibit a pervasive need for control, asserting dominance in decision-making and actions within the relationship. Pay attention to subtle cues where your partner insists on having the final say, creating an environment that lacks collaboration and mutual respect.

2. Disregard for Your Opinions:

A fundamental aspect of a healthy relationship is the acknowledgment and appreciation of each other’s perspectives. Watch out for signs that your partner dismisses or belittles your thoughts, ideas, or feelings solely based on your gender. Your voice deserves to be heard and valued.

3. Objectification and Stereotyping:

Misogyny often manifests through objectification, reducing women to superficial characteristics or predefined roles. Be vigilant if your partner consistently focuses on appearances or perpetuates harmful stereotypes. A genuine connection goes beyond surface-level expectations.

4. Resistance to Gender Equality:

Partners with misogynistic views may resist or mock efforts toward achieving gender equality. Observe how your partner responds to discussions about equal rights, opportunities, or shared responsibilities. A healthy relationship thrives on mutual respect and collaboration.

5. Double Standards:

Misogynistic partners may impose double standards, expecting different behavior or adherence to distinct standards based on gender. Recognize any unequal expectations or treatment within the relationship, as these can be indicative of deeper issues.

6. Emotional Abuse:

Emotional abuse often intertwines with misogyny. If your partner employs tactics such as humiliation, manipulation, or degradation, it’s crucial to recognize these as clear signs of potential misogyny. Emotional well-being is a cornerstone of a healthy partnership.

7. Isolation from Support Systems:

Misogynistic partners may attempt to isolate you from your support systems, such as friends and family. Recognize the importance of maintaining connections outside the relationship and be cautious if your partner actively discourages or hinders these relationships.

Conclusion:

As a trauma coach, my commitment extends to empowering individuals to navigate relationships with resilience and self-awareness. If you identify any of these signs in your partner, consider seeking support from friends, family, or professionals who can assist you in understanding and addressing these dynamics. Your emotional safety is paramount, and recognising early signs of misogyny is a courageous step towards fostering healthy, respectful, and equal partnerships. Remember, you deserve a relationship built on trust, respect, and mutual understanding.

Love is beautiful when you have the right person

Embracing Change: The Human Predilection

Change is a constant in life, yet most people find themselves resisting it. Why is it that we often resist the very thing that propels us forward, offers growth, and paves the way for new opportunities?

It’s because change can be daunting. It disrupts our familiar routines and shatters the comfort zone we’ve meticulously constructed over time. Our brains are wired to seek stability and predictability, making change seem like an unwelcome intruder.

But here’s the catch: Change is also where the magic happens. It pushes us out of complacency and forces us to adapt. It presents us with new challenges that spur personal growth. It introduces us to new perspectives, cultures, and ways of thinking. Change is the catalyst for progress and innovation.

So, how can we learn to embrace change, rather than fear it?

• Mindset Shift: Start by viewing change as an opportunity rather than a threat. Consider it a chance to learn, evolve, and explore new horizons.

• Flexibility: Be open to adapting your plans and expectations. Life rarely unfolds exactly as we envision, and flexibility can help us navigate the twists and turns.

• Positive Outlook: Cultivate a positive attitude towards change. Focus on the potential benefits and the exciting possibilities that lie ahead.

• Support System: Surround yourself with people who encourage and support your journey through change. Lean on friends, family, or mentors for guidance.

• Self-Care: Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being can provide you with the resilience needed to handle change effectively.

Remember, embracing change doesn’t mean disregarding your past or the lessons it has taught you. It means acknowledging that change is an inevitable part of life’s tapestry and that, by welcoming it, you can weave a richer, more fulfilling future.

In the end, it’s not about liking or disliking change; it’s about recognising its role in our growth and finding the courage to embrace it.

#ChangeIsGrowth #EmbraceChange

Adelaide Nenguke

Rebuilding Trust After Trauma: A Journey to Healing and Connection

Trust is the cornerstone of healthy relationships, whether they’re with ourselves or others. However, the aftermath of trauma can deeply shatter our sense of trust, leaving us grappling with fear, vulnerability, and a reluctance to let others in. In this comprehensive blog, we’ll explore the intricacies of rebuilding trust after trauma, offering insights, strategies, and steps to reclaim trust in oneself and nurture connections with others.

Understanding Trust in the Aftermath of Trauma:

Trauma, whether physical, emotional, or psychological, can rupture our sense of safety and predictability. It often leaves us questioning the intentions of others, our own judgment, and the reliability of the world around us. Trust, once taken for granted, becomes a fragile commodity, elusive and fraught with complexity.

The Multifaceted Impact of Trauma on Trust:

• Self-Distrust: Trauma can lead to self-doubt and self-blame, eroding trust in one’s own decisions and judgment.

• Difficulty Forming Relationships: The fear of vulnerability and the risk of being hurt again can make forming new relationships challenging.

• Hyper-Vigilance: Constantly being on guard for potential threats can make it hard to trust even well-intentioned individuals.

• Fear of Rejection: Trauma survivors may struggle with an intense fear of rejection, which can hinder their ability to trust others.

Steps to Rebuilding Trust:

• Acknowledge the Impact of Trauma: Recognise that trauma has altered your perception of trust. Accept that it’s a natural response to what you’ve experienced.

• Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. Understand that your struggles with trust are valid and understandable.

• Seek Professional Support: Therapists experienced in trauma can provide a safe space to process your experiences, unravel trust-related issues, and develop coping strategies.

• Cultivate Self-Trust: Begin by trusting yourself again. Start with small decisions and build up to larger ones, nurturing a sense of self-efficacy.

• Mindful Awareness: Practice mindfulness to become attuned to your thoughts, feelings, and triggers. This awareness can help you manage reactions related to trust.

• Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with others to create a sense of safety and control in your interactions.

• Open Communication: Share your feelings with trusted individuals. Let them know about your struggles with trust so they can understand and support you better.

• Give Relationships Time: Rebuilding trust in relationships takes time. Be patient and allow the process to unfold naturally.

• Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate every step you take toward rebuilding trust. Each instance of vulnerability and connection is a victory.

Nurturing Connections with Others:

• Choose Trustworthy Individuals: Surround yourself with people who have proven themselves to be trustworthy and understanding.

• Practice Vulnerability: Slowly open up to others about your struggles and feelings. Vulnerability can deepen connections and foster empathy.

• Communicate Expectations: Clearly communicate your needs and boundaries to others. This clarity fosters mutual understanding.

• Consistency Matters: Consistently show up for others, and expect the same from them. Reliability rebuilds trust over time.

• Forgiveness and Healing: Forgiving those who may have broken your trust can be a liberating act for your own healing. It doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting or reconciling with them, but it releases you from the weight of resentment.

Maintaining Trust in Yourself:

• Reflect on Strengths: Take time to reflect on your strengths, resilience, and the challenges you’ve already overcome.

• Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge the progress you’ve made in rebuilding trust, no matter how small.

• Challenge Negative Self-Talk: Replace self-defeating thoughts with affirmations that reinforce your abilities and worthiness.

• Self-Care: Engage in self-care practices that nurture your physical, emotional, and psychological well-being.

• Seek Joy: Pursue activities that bring you joy and remind you of your capacity to experience positive moments.

Conclusion:

Rebuilding trust after trauma is a courageous journey toward reclaiming your sense of self and connecting authentically with others. It’s about recognising that while the wounds of trauma are deep, they don’t define your capacity for trust or your ability to forge meaningful relationships. By acknowledging the impact of trauma, seeking professional help, practicing self-compassion, and taking intentional steps toward building trust, you can pave the way for healing, empowerment, and transformative growth. Remember, trust is a delicate but resilient thread that, with patience and care, can be woven back into the fabric of your life, making it even stronger than before.

The Path to Radical Self-Confidence

In a world that often glorifies perfection, the notion of embracing imperfection might seem counterintuitive. However, it’s precisely this embrace of our flaws, vulnerabilities, and human essence that can lead us to a profound state of self-confidence. This article delves deep into the concept of embracing imperfection, exploring its transformative power, and providing practical guidance on how to integrate this mindset into our lives for lasting confidence and empowerment.

The Myth of Perfection:

Society inundates us with images of flawless beauty, unblemished success, and a curated façade of ideal lives. This creates a misleading ideal of perfection that breeds insecurity, anxiety, and self-doubt. The pursuit of perfection sets an unattainable standard that leaves us perpetually unsatisfied.

The Power of Embracing Imperfection:

Embracing imperfection involves accepting ourselves as we are, with all our quirks, mistakes, and vulnerabilities. This shift in perspective offers a powerful sense of liberation from the tyranny of perfection. It acknowledges that our imperfections are not defects to be fixed, but integral parts of our unique selves.

The Authenticity-Confidence Connection:

True self-confidence arises from authenticity. When we embrace our imperfections, we present our authentic selves to the world. This authenticity is relatable and resonates with others on a genuine level, cultivating deeper connections and a more profound sense of self-assurance.

Learning from Imperfection:

Imperfection is not a sign of failure; it’s a valuable source of learning. When we make mistakes or experience failures, we gain insights that propel us toward growth and development. Embracing these lessons nurtures resilience and a healthy attitude toward challenges.

Self-Compassion and the Imperfect Self:

Embracing imperfection is an act of self-compassion. It’s about treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we offer to our loved ones. This self-kindness builds a nurturing internal environment where we can thrive without harsh self-criticism.

The Courage to Be Imperfect:

Fear of judgment is a major obstacle to embracing imperfection. However, cultivating self-confidence involves recognising that our self-worth isn’t determined by external opinions. The courage to be imperfect requires us to step into vulnerability and stand firmly in our self-worth.

The Journey to Authentic Confidence:

• Self-Awareness: Reflect on your strengths, weaknesses, and areas for growth. Understand that imperfections are a part of your multifaceted identity.

• Mindful Self-Talk: Transform negative self-talk into affirming statements that acknowledge imperfections without self-blame.

• Reshape Perceptions: Challenge societal ideals of perfection by recognising their unrealistic nature.

• Celebrate Progress: Shift your focus from end results to the progress you’re making on your journey.

• Accept Imperfect Outcomes: Understand that outcomes may not always align with your expectations, and that’s okay.

• Self-Love Rituals: Engage in practices that foster self-love and self-care, emphasizing the acceptance of your whole self.

• Set Boundaries: Learn to say no to unrealistic demands and create space for self-care and self-acceptance.

Embracing Imperfection in Relationships:

Applying the concept of embracing imperfection to our relationships nurtures deeper connections. When we’re open about our vulnerabilities, it encourages others to do the same, fostering mutual understanding and empathy.

Cultivating a Growth Mindset:

Embracing imperfection is closely tied to adopting a growth mindset. This mindset views challenges, setbacks, and mistakes as opportunities for learning and growth. It allows us to move beyond the fear of failure and instead focus on the lessons each experience offers.

From Embracing to Flourishing:

As we wholeheartedly embrace our imperfections, we pave the way for a life that is lived authentically, confidently, and purposefully. This journey is not about erasing imperfections but about embracing them as integral parts of our unique stories. Through self-awareness, self-compassion, and a commitment to growth, we transform our imperfections into sources of strength and confidence.

Conclusion:

Embracing imperfection is a radical act of self-love and self-acceptance. It’s an acknowledgment that our worth is not contingent on meeting impossible standards. Instead, it’s about recognising that our imperfections make us human, relatable, and beautiful in our authenticity. Embracing imperfection leads to a life where we stand firmly in our self-worth, pursue our passions without fear, and build connections that are genuine and deep. So, let us journey toward radical self-confidence by embracing our imperfections and celebrating the magnificent tapestry of our imperfect selves.

The gift of marriage.

 

   Marriage is an institution were man and woman make a vow in the presence of God and witnesses. Marriage was ordained in the garden of Eden. God realised that Adam was lonely and in Genesis 2:18 God acknowledges that it is not good for man to be alone.And the Lord God said ‘it is not good that man should be alone . i will make him a help mate comparable to him’ Genesis 2:18

      Woman was then created out of man ,Genesis 2;21-22. This was the first marriage which was blessed and ordained in the Garden of Eden. We see here Adam in Genesis 2:23 saying ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ God saw the need for Adam to have a helpmate one who would be a companion and helper to Adam. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says ‘ 9.Two are better than one,because they have a good return for their labour :10 If either of them falls down,one can help the other up.But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?12 Though one may be overpowered two can defend themselves.A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Genesis 1 clearly shows how Eve was created for Adam ,not Adam for Eve. Marriage was created for a spiritual purpose to represent the relationship between God and mankind with the man representing God and woman representing mankind. God gave man instruction to love his wife as this was the reason he created woman so that man would be able to sacrifice themselves for another person. The husband is the protector of his wife and this needs a selfless man. Having a wife teaches the man not to be selfish and to be able to think of another before themselves.Single man often become selfish and self centred, Ephesians 5:25 ‘Husbands love your wives ,even as Christ loved the Church and gave himself to it’.In the same manner that Christ loves ,protects , leads the church so should the husband to his wife.

   The husband is the leader and spiritual guide for his wife. 1 Corinthians 14:35 ‘And they will learn anything ,let them ask their husbands at home , for it is a shame for a woman to speak in the church’. The duty of the husband is to lead his wife in all areas whether be it spiritual , finances, children discipline etc. The husband should help the wife to be holy and help her and himself to model the relation of Christ and the church ,by sacrificing himself for his wife not to make her sin just as Christ sacrificed for the Church. Christ paid for his bride the Church through his blood Luke 22:20 ‘This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood’. He called this relationship the new covenant. Paul in Ephesians 5:3 says marriage is a great mystery. He was talking about Christ and the church, the new covenant with the Church is an unbreakable marriage. This is the same with the marriage of the man and woman , but because of the hardness of the human heart came divorce. Christ clearly mentioned his hate for divorce Malachi 2:16 “For I hate [a]divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong and violence,” says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore keep watch on your spirit, so that you do not deal treacherously [with your wife].” Christ goes on to show how he ordained marriage ad hates divorce in Malachi 2:13-15 .

  In Titus 2:4 ‘That they may teach the young woman to be sober , to love their husbands ‘. To love their husbands is taken from the Greek word Philandros which means lovers of their husbands. Here Paul was not talking of a romantic love but of the commitment of a woman to her husbands welfare (Proverbs 31). Woman are not under the authority of men in general but under the authority of their own husband. Ephesians 5 :22-23 clearly shows how a christian wife should relate to her husband, it talks about how the wife should submit to her own husband. In Greek the word submit does not mean absolute control ,but to voluntarily place oneself under the control of another. The Philandros love that the wife is commanded to have towards her husband is by showing affection both physically and emotionally towards her husband.The wife should be able to satisfy the needs of her own husband.

   Marriage was ordained by God to show his glory in a way that no other institution does. The mystery of marriage is revealed in Ephesians 5:31-32 were Paul refers to Genesis 2:24 in verse 31’Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. 32. This is the great mystery ,but i speak concerning Christ and the Church.

Summary

The 4 reasons why marriage is Gods doing  :
1. Marriage was Gods design – Genesis 2:18
2. God gave away the first bride – Genesis 2:22
3. God spoke marriage into existence – Genesis 2:24 ,Mathew 19:4-5
4. Two became one flesh – Genesis 2:24

I hope you have been blessed.

Adelaide Nenguke

Is there anything to hard for God?

www.youtube.com/watch

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Nothing is impossible with God . Trust the process.

I am not like you… i am who i am in Christ. https://youtu.be/wyJcOgK1rPA

Brokenness

Do not let brokenness affect your destiny. Have a vision and submit it to God. Each morning you wake up think of how you working towards your vision.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. Behold, his soul which is lifted up is not upright in him: but the just shall live by his faith.”

‭‭Habakkuk‬ ‭2:3-4‬

We serve a living God . Trust the process.

Stay blessed.

Adelaide Nenguke

He brought me this far pt2

In part 1 I spoke about how 2017 was a year that came with tears and joy. 2018 started with everything going wrong but when Christ is in it he gives you strength

Philippians 4 vs 13 I can do all things through Christ that gives me strength

Through the battles of my life the Lord has been faithful, I found favour in places I never excepted. the devil tries to put us down, break us and this will make us doubt God at times. Remember John 10 vs 10  ‘The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.’ In times that things are not going well never lose the faith keep looking at the promise of God not at how big the problem is. It is at this moment you must change your talk from problem to worship. The Lord will shift things in your favour.

Deuteronomy 31 vs 6 ‘Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.’

1 Samuel 12vs 2 ‘and now, behold, the king walketh before you: and I am old and grayheaded; and, behold, my sons are with you: and I have walked before you from my childhood unto this day.’

Is there anything to hard for God? The woman with the issue of blood suffered for years, she was an outcast no one wanted to be near her, she could not even go to the temple to worship ,lonely and desperate and probably suffered weakness due to lack of iron in her body.

Mark 5 vs 25-29 ‘25 And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood* twelve years, 26 And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse*, 27 When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment. 28 For she said, If* I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole. 29 And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague.’

Every problem has an expiry date. The moment you realise that the words that come out of your mouth are the creators of your destiny miracles will start taking place. Speaking life into dead situations will resurrect every dead and rotting circumstance. SPEAK IT -BELIEVE IT -RECEIVE IT. This is how I have managed to overcome dead situations in my life. Romans 10 vs 17 ‘So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.’

Proverbs 18 vs 21 ‘Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.’

This woman had so much faith she knew by touching the hem of Jesus garment she would be healed. There was a great crowd and some people were probably trying to stop her from getting close to Jesus but she pressed forward until she touched the hem of Christs garment her faith was so great and she was healed. Let no circumstance or stumbling block stop you from reaching and accomplishing your vision, stay positive and miracles will manifest in your life.

The more you go into Gods word and let God use you the more pressure you are going to feel. At this moment the holy spirit which is the regulator will help you to overcome. You can handle anything when the holy spirit is in it. Seek the holy spirit to come and live with you. John 14 vs 26 ‘But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.’

Its time to arise and speak life in the situations that you think are hopeless, a child of God should not worry as there is nothing happening in your life that God does not know about. Isiah 41 vs 10 ‘ Christ restores all broken pieces in your life.

2018 I have learnt so much personally, my talk has changed , I have had to let go of certain friends ,I now speak life into my situations and the Lord has been seeing me through impossible  situations. Stay positive in all you do and go for that vision without fear.

Remember —- SPEAK IT – BELIEVE  IT -RECEIVE IT.

Stay blessed.

Adelaide Nenguke

God is not asleep.

‘Call unto me and I will answer thee, and show the great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.’

Life is journey with so many ups and downs, we go through so much in our lives, we laugh, we cry, some people are depressed. There are so many battles that people are fighting, no job, death, barrenness, homelessness, abuse, etc the list is endless. Realizing there is a greater power and his name is Jesus is most important.

This last week has not been easy for so many challenges and attacks from the devil, at times I would just ask God ‘is my praise not enough ‘ I began to question God ,why a child of his should go through so much pain and suffering. It came to a point I had no words to say in prayer, my prayer time I spent listening to music, this is how heavy a heart can be. I was reminded of Hannah, she was barren and

asked God for a man child, but it was not happening, was God sleeping? Hannah faithfully went to the temple for prayer until she could not speak, and the priest thought she was drunk. I understood what it meant this week when you suddenly can not find words to say, is it the pain inside, or it’s a sense of saying God I have had enough.

‘And Eli said unto her, How long wilt thou be drunken? put away thy wine from thee. ,And Hannah answered and said, No, my lord, I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit: I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but have poured out my soul before the Lord. Count not thine handmaid for a daughter of Belial: for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief have I spoken hitherto. Then Eli answered and said, Go in peace: and the God of Israel grant thee thy petition that thou hast asked of him.’ 1 Samuel 1 14-17

Hannah was blessed with a man child, such faith is really hard to come by , when I read this I saw the struggles of a woman who had been mocked ,called names ,accused and blamed and yet she held on to God. Why did God allow all this pain on a worshipper like Hannah? and yet she never complained. God was not sleeping he was there all the time watching her and protecting her. ‘And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.’ Joel 2 vs 25

God knew what Hannah was going through and how her future would be like. He saw her suffering and fear. The desire for a child was not sentimental or selfish. Her desire for a child was a matter of survival. God knew that. God understood what her husband could not.  God wanted Hannah to survive. Hannah’s trouble was not that she could not have children. Hannah’s trouble was living in a society that told her she was worthless, Good for nothing woman, even in todays society a lot of women have been labelled because of been barren.

Through all the troubles we face in our daily lives God is not sleeping, remember he came to die for the sinner which is me and you. Having faith and holding on to the cross is what we need to do. our God can never put us to shame he can watch for a while and the moment he answers you will testify of his goodness. Look at the story of Lazarus, the man was dead and Mary and Martha were not happy, when Jesus the appeared 4 days later , they asked him why Lord. We know after 4 days the body will have decomposed and starts smelling but Jesus said   to Martha “I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even if he dies. And those who live and believe in Me will never die. Do you believe this?” and she believed she had faith he would raise his brother up. John 11 vs 31-34. In verse 35 it says Jesus wept, why would he cry, I believe it was the compassion he had for Mary and Martha. Mary and Martha were broken-hearted that their brother had died. Jesus could feel the pain that Mary and Martha felt at that moment, and He shed real tears for them. All the people watching could see the great love that Jesus felt for this family

Lets keep holding on to God in all the struggles and he is a compassionate God, we might be cursed, accused , bruised ,hurt but remember Jesus words ‘I am the resurrection and life’. His not sleeping but he needs you to testify of his goodness.

Be blessed.

Adelaide Nenguke